“New Normal” — A tale of Chemical weapons, Plutonium, Agent Orange and Sharks
I learned many things in the Army. This story is about mental resilience against fear. About a new normal that by any measure…was not normal.
It started when we, an entire AIT Platoon, stood there before a Drill Sargent. The year was 1995. We’d been gathered for an announcement. Apparently a special deployment had come up…an opportunity that would require volunteers. I’d been told that volunteering in the Army was bad form. Often they didn’t tell you what you were volunteering for, and the jobs could range from cleaning latrines to driving an officer around. So we gathered as required, but the unwritten rule was “keep your hands down”. After the Drill Sargent got through some administrative stuff, he simply said “Who wants to go to Hawaii!?”.
One hand shot up, and I sat there stunned. It was one of my three closest friends, a girl who my battle buddy was dating. Now battle buddies can become quite close friends in the Army, even at this early AIT stage. We had each others backs, and took pride in it. The dominoes that were about to fall were obvious, and yet I watched them in slow motion. They needed four volunteers. Her battle buddy immediately raised her hand. Her boyfriend, who was my battle buddy raised his. I was out of time to process what was happening…three out of four slots were taken in the blink of an eye. I heard the Sargent say ‘Great, you four, with me’. I realized somehow my hand was raised. I don’t know why or how. Maybe subconscious loyalty to my battle buddy. Maybe I needed an adventure. I tried to tell myself it couldn’t be that bad. I would be with friends. People said Hawaii was beautiful. But I just knew there was a twist…and that twist would be the weirdest adventure of my life.
After being ushered into another room, we started to learn what we’d gotten ourselves into. We’d travel to Hawaii, on our way to our true final destination. That destination was known as Johnston Atoll. A 2 mile long by half mile wide main island would be our home for the next year. Deep in the pacific, 850 miles southwest of Hawaii. I’d learn later that part of the location was strategic…if the chemical demilitarization experiment went sideways…it was far away from affecting any mass population areas. Groovy.
Fast forward to the day we flew to the island. The island was man-made, and was designed to look like an aircraft carrier. There was an airstrip right down the middle that went almost to both ends. As a passenger on a plane you wouldn’t see the ground till the plane had already touched down. That wouldn’t be the oddest thing that would happen that day. Heck it wouldn’t even register in the top ten. At the time I thought it was one of the oddest things I’d seen in my life.
Getting off the plane we headed to the terminal building. It was about the size of a small convenience store. There were signs for returning guests, and then for those of us who were there for the first time. The small room soon filled up with those of us that were new, and we sat in front of a map of the island. Things were about to get weird.
The gentleman that would welcome us was giving us a safety briefing. We learned the island was essentially man-made, and dredged up from the ocean out of coral rocks. It was then explained that since the island is essentially made of coral, a basic slip and fall which caused a cut in your hand was a big deal, and usually required medical attention. This would involve an intense cleaning to remove the coral and prevent infection, and could result in months to heal. Basically…walk carefully.
He then circled portions of the map as he explained the background of each section of the island. One of the sections was where the chemical weapons were stored. That was a high security area. Basically we were told ‘Don’t go here, it’s shoot on sight’. He also highlighted the entire side of the island…that was a restricted zone to be in the water. No swimming, no exceptions.
A second area was then highlighted towards the other side of the island. This was where, in the past, barrels of Agent Orange were stored. The story went that when they went to remove them, the barrels had sprung leaks and were empty. Agent orange had leaked into the porous coral ground. They put up a chain link fence around that area. Again we were told “Don’t go here”. Oddly enough it was one of the few areas on the island that had tall trees.
Now a third area was circled…there was an accident with an active nuclear test and some of the plutonium wasn’t found. They erected another chain link fence. “Don’t go there’. I’d find out later this was the Bluegill site.
The middle of the island was circled…this was essentially where planes landed. Despite the island being a half mile wide…no person or vehicle was permitted to cross the center. That’s where the runway was, and therefore at any point a plane could be. So to get from one side to the other you’d go around the entire island. There were stoplights on the ends of the island to indicate if planes were landing. We were simply told “Do not ignore them”.
At this point the island map was looking a bit busy, and between the agent orange, plutonium, airplanes landing, flesh eating coral, and chemical weapons I wasn’t sure what to expect next. I was already nervous about working on an island with Chemical weapons. So when the safety briefing officer circled the entire top of the island, I was really almost numb with fear. This time he announced “We dump food scraps off the pier up here. It attracts Sharks. We call it the Shark Chute. Do not swim here.”
There were of course more dangers that I’d learn about that day, and in the coming days during my tour on that island. Fire Coral. Grey tip sharks. Heat exhaustion. Hurricanes. The island had tons of dangers that went way beyond the obvious ones that I expected.
In the next few months the fear would subside. My mind would adapt to things like putting on a gas mask in under ten seconds at any point in a day. I’d find myself running past the plutonium yard or the agent orange area during my workouts. They’d just be another landmark. I’d even learn to scuba dive and see the beautiful grey tip sharks. My world had been flipped upside down. There were a lot of reasons to be afraid. I didn’t banish those fears. I instead learned to respect them, to live with them, and to ensure they didn’t control me. I learned that the mind is incredibly powerful, and if we let it, it can adapt to life changes that may seem difficult or impossible.
And now we find ourselves in a pandemic. There are things to fear. But in me, I find hope. I find courage. I am allowing my mind to adapt myself to the new normal. I’m respecting the things I fear, and focusing on making sure that I continue to move forward. I draw my inspiration from my time on Johnston Atoll. I hope this article can give you a bit of inspiration as well.
